The most important thing that parents can teach
their children is how to get along without them.
their children is how to get along without them.
~ Frank A. Clark
Parenting is really very hard. Every year my kids get older, and every year I feel like a new mom again. Our children change, their needs change, and so we must change in order to meet their needs. The job is endless and sometimes completely exhausting, yet here I am....parent to parent.....asking you to do more. What I ask is not going to be easy, but I promise you it will be worth it. Your child's health, self-esteem, quality of life, and love of good food depends on it. Let me explain.....Many parents come to me worried about a child's eating habits. They have surrendered to the Short-Order-Cook-Syndrome because they've run out of ideas. They've put locks on food cupboards to control between meal snacking. They are tired of the power struggle going on at dinner time. They wonder how their child will ever grow into a "normal eater".
Most parents want their children to be be healthy eaters, just as we want our children to be the best baseball player, the smartest student, or the most elegant dancer. As parents though, a common mistake we make is assuming that our children automatically know how to eat. A few months ago, I read a great article that discouraged labeling children "picky eaters." Just as a child LEARNS to read, and will do so at a different rate than peers or siblings, a child must LEARN to eat. I remember how frustrated I was when I was learning to breast feed my newborn son. I asked for help and was wisely told that he was learning, too. The sucking reflex may be on automatic pilot, but the rest of it is not. Similarly, chewing and swallowing may be reflexive, but getting comfortable with the different tastes and textures is not. Good eating habits can take years to develop and to be honest, constant work to maintain. So many factors throughout the life-cycle influence our eating behavior. So, how can you as the parent, help your child learn how to eat in a way that is healthful both physically and mentally?
- It starts with you, so model good eating behavior. Our children look to us for guidance. They like to mimic us and the things we do and say. It doesn't mean that your child will automatically love all the same food you love now as an adult, but if the food is familiar, your child be more likely to try it again.
- Don't give up when the going gets tough. My kids' tastes have changed throughout the years. My oldest loved bananas as a toddler but doesn't like them now. My youngest loved yogurt, then hated it, and now loves it again and he didn't like mushrooms or tomatoes until he was 10 years old. The key is, I never stopped offering those foods nor did I stop cooking with them.
- Get them involved! My husband is definitely better at this than I am, but I don't think kids are ever too young to be involved in the menu planning, grocery shopping, and cooking. We find that our kids are more adventurous with trying something new if they had a hand in planning and preparing it. Use the MyPlate picture to help your child plan a menu, have them go to the store with you to buy what is needed, and get them involved in the preparation of the meal.
- Make ALL meals a priority. If breakfast is regularly a bowl of cereal that your child eats in front of the television or at the table alone, then the message that breakfast isn't important is loud and clear. If you as the parent are not eating breakfast, the message is even louder. For Lunch, avoid the go-to lunches of Lunchables, boxed Mac and Cheese, or Chicken Nuggets unless they're only part of the meal. For example, Chicken nuggets, baked beans, grape tomatoes, apple sauce, and milk. This meal has a variety of tastes, textures, and nutrients. Seem like a lot of food? Give smaller amounts of each of them. Lastly, have dinner together as a FAMILY. It's a great time to model good eating behavior as well as catch up on everyone's day!
I see too many children and adults in my practice who are problem eaters. Problem eating causes health problems, self-esteem issues, and chronic dieting. Sometimes problem eating can lead to disordered eating that has the potential to lead to extreme disordered eating such as binge eating, purging, and restricting.
Teaching your child to eat in the same way you might teach them to potty train, read, ride a bike, or play an instrument is a parenting must. Some children might struggle with this skill and might even have set backs, but they'll get it eventually. I know it is challenging, but YOU are the parent. It is in your job description to stay strong, get focused, make adjustments, and ask for help when needed.
